More Changes

So, I posted about this a little while ago and ended saying I’d follow up with more…and now I’ve finally gotten around to it.

Part one of my Ukraine-inspired changes was a new diet. No alcohol and really healthy eating. I’m already feeling the effects of eating healthy, not just physically but mentally as well. So I’ll keep up that, and this also includes me not buying so much anymore…aligning my actions to my thoughts, especially regarding consumerism.

The second part is largely personal, so I won’t go into too much detail, but I will say this. Ukraine broke me. I have feelings and emotions now…I dare say I’m becoming a softy.

The third is this: I am Carson, and that’s okay. Sometimes in a group conversation I just sit there and listen, sitting in the corner not saying much. Sometimes I like to spend a lot of time alone. I don’t like to dance, I don’t know how and I don’t want to learn; the same goes for singing. I like drinking but I hate clubs. I don’t like being angry and when I’m quiet I’m actually relaxed. My face looks angry, but I’m not. I don’t show my emotions with my face but that doesn’t mean I don’t have any. My voice is monotone. Much of my life is a struggle between wanting to get away from society and wanting to spend time with anyone because I’m lonely. 

All of this….is okay. I used to check the stats on my blog to see how many people have read it and to see if they like it. I used to love seeing people ‘like’ my stuff on Facebook. I sought approval. I don’t need that anymore. I don’t need you to tell me that it’s okay to be me. While, I respect your opinion, I don’t need your approval because I have the approval of the one person who matters: me.

I’m adding a fourth thing onto this now. I’m going to start learning Mandarin. Those who know me and know a certain thing about me will think I’m doing this for a certain reason…but here’s why: it’s difficult. I have real troubles learning language and with the tones in the Chinese language I’ve been told this will be almost an impossible task for me…that I shouldn’t even try. We’ll see…